I Was this Close...

"Words are the swords we use in our battle for success and happiness. How others react toward us depends in a large measure, upon the words we speak to them."

Wilford A. Peterson

To not graduating this past Sunday and it all started Thursday morning (12/15)...My day began with my body waking itself up 30 minutes before my alarm. I think it was excited about the interview I had that day and the responses I'd hope to receive about my last minute graduation questions (I'd been up till the wee hours of the morning emailing various people from the my graduation liaison LP to some woman with the last Zitkus). The responses I received were unsettling, to say the least. I'd gotten an "I," an incomplete for my writing internship and wouldn't be graduating, according to LP, after all. He'd taken the liberty of processing my application for May 2006 graduation and suggested I contact someone in records and registration to ask permission to at least walk on Sunday. My mind quickly shifted to what-can-I-do-to-fix-this mode, trying to reach the English department head, calling records to make the proper requests. I was all over the place, my mind racing from graduation to the interview that was scheduled for later in the day.

In the end, the department head helped me get things corrected and alas, I graduated on scheduled with friends and family present to commemorate a special milestone in my life...

Thinking about that Thursday, I was relieved, excited, frustrated and high strung all at the same time. The thing that kept popping up in my head was what would I say to my mama or the rest of my family who'd made the trip to see me and that I still had an interview to get through. I had to keep it together or I'd definitely lose it.

Fast Forward

After the interview, I headed back to my apartment. Things had gone quite well and I left feeling that I'd made a wonderful, lasting impression on my possible-future-employer. I wanted to share this experience with someone-- my first thought was to call CP but he's in the process of being written off--I called BR instead. What started as a simple conversation about a job interview that went well spiraled into me ranting and raving about my day. Then it took a turn for something else...

Suddenly I realized my errors when it came to he & I. We had been at a crossroads for the longest, our instincts had helped us build a wall between us (constant insults, back biting, negative gossip with "friends") making it extremely difficult for us to truly be the friends that I'd pushed for us to be when there was so much more there. It's so weird how a moment of sheer insanity can invoke clarity. For months, I'd indulged in making him out to be the devil, the instigator of all the ills between us, when I had helped to create the barrier simply because I was being selfish and got angry because I couldn't have what I wanted: him. And in the midst of one crazy ass Thursday afternoon, I apologized for months of stupidity, confessing the friendship that I missed and asking that a barrier be removed...He said yes.

To Be continued...