I’ve Hit a Wall or The Flip Side of A Man, His Cart, & a Long Walk

Things got slow at work today which is quite odd for what’s always expected to be one of our busiest days of the week. With that said, I had more time to map out some things I’d been contemplating for a while. I also had the opportunity to think about, well, me. I’ve resolved that I’ve got to make some changes, incorporate something different into my daily routine, my life, something that will redirect my wayward attention…I’ve got a list. It’s an ongoing list at that. However, I’m having difficulty motivating myself to continue actively completing and revising my list. It’s as if I have hit a wall…



I have accepted and embraced that I am a constant work in progress and that my recovery from the codependent craziness in my life is in unvarying motion. I’m still struggling with knowing and understanding that I don’t have to exert that much control in my life because I’m really not the One who’s in control of it in the first place. I still get a little stressed in relationships and at my job when things don’t go the way I’ve planned in the time frame that I expected. But at least now I’m acutely aware of this fact and not blindly believing that I have it all together because, heck, I DON’T. Just every once in a while, I get scared that I’ve grown to content, almost complacent and safe in “the way things are” and this inferno begins to assemble inside my mind, pushing for change. But then there’s this damn wall— intangible but keeping me still—blocking progression. Then my mind segues to the unthinkable: What if I revert back completely to my old, silly, reactionary, ugly & depressed self? What will become of me then?


Maybe I’m afraid…But then what is it that I’m afraid of…I dunno. I’m determined not to get myself all tense and worked up about this. I’ve got to remain calm for me and those that I care about. Most recently, it was brought to my attention that I don’t listen very well, if at all. Perhaps this is where I need to start. The quality of my relationships with others is greatly impacted by my ability to listen. I added this goal to my bucket list. Now if only I could get moving on this list…Any ideas?