I've been intending...

to blog but this week has been a difficult one for me. It has certainly been one filled with a whirlwind of emotions. Sunday, I left church service with MBR/C to come home to the apartment hours later and breakdown & cry over the phone with my sister, Gator. I'd been feeling like lately, I just couldn't get things in my life straight. It's a feeling of uneasiness, distress and worry that is oftentimes, quite difficult for me to express; it all builds & eventually, I breakdown & cry. And when I say that it builds, I mean that months and months of mess accumulate and then I suddenly explode. Now that I think about it, crying has always been difficult for me to do. You know, some people can do it instantly. The water works seem to come on during movies, at weddings or even while reading a book. However, it doesn't work that way for me. My father died of a heart attack when I was 11 and I didn't even cry at the funeral. It actually took days for me to show any emotion, but it did happen. So on Sunday, all the pain I'd been feeling about loads of things-not getting hired at Girls, Inc., being broke as eva & having crappy credit to not knowing what it is that's suppose to be my calling when it seems that everyone else in the world does, finding a good job and (sadly) my being single for the third year in a row-unraveled, hot tears spilled out of my eyes & down my face, and I cried as I gushed everything to my sister. It felt so wonderful to let it all out, to truly purge my mind but my soul still felt a little heavy. But the most awesome thing Gator did was to remind me of my faith, the one thing that's always been constant in my life. Later on that night, I had a long, much needed conversation with Him that truly helped to lift the burdens that had been weighing me down for quite some time.